But I'm taking a moment to breathe in deep and reflect on this past year. This time last Spring, God really pushed this adoption thought into high gear, forcing me to dig deep and ask the tough questions. Can Drew and I handle it? Do I really have enough trust in Him, knowing for a fact that right now I don't have all the skill sets necessary to do something like this?
It was a beautiful - and terrifying - time in my life. Next week, on March 28, we'll be "officially" half a year into the wait process. But for me, I'm at the one year mark of waiting. I was cleaning out old emails the other night (yes, I like to organize emails into folders and yes, I know I'm a nerd) when I ran across a few that caught my eye. Like a flash, it came back to me, vivid and plain as day. And again, I love how God works. On March 28 one year ago, we made our first true inquiry into a waiting child. It was a little boy from Eastern Europe - we'll call him Mark. I fell in love with Mark the instant I saw his precious face. I didn't care that he was deaf; I immediately started conducting research about what facilities and programs were available in our area, and I reached out to support groups to talk with other families about what life was like with hearing impairments.
A few days later, I was told that another family had committed to Mark. To say I felt devastated was an understatement. I sat on our couch in the family room, sobbing. I asked my husband how in the world could I have been so connected to a child I knew hardly anything about? I swore off visiting that website for an extended period of time - I didn't think my heart could go through that anymore. I was happy another family had committed to him, but the pain was still there. Fresh. Real.
I think, through last year's experience, God was showing me that I could love a child I didn't give birth to, something I confessed to being afraid of during my quiet times with Him. I know how much I love my daughters; I don't doubt that love at all. By falling in love with a picture and a description of a child half a world away, God calmed that fear of mine.
A few days after finding out Mark wasn't available anymore, my daily devotional focused on waiting. In the Bible, King David had to wait 15 years before his time came. David needed that time to learn how to be a king. In that way, God doesn't waste our season of waiting - He redeems it. He uses this time to pull us closer to Him and to give us intimate knowledge of a Savior we would not otherwise have.
I believe that's what God is doing now. I pray I don't waste this season of waiting. I pray I use this time wisely to prepare our family for this change. We pray as a family for Micah, knowing he may not be born yet. And we look for ways to honor him in this wait.
There's another adoptive family headed over to Ethiopia next month to meet their son. So we're collecting tooth brushes and tooth paste for them to give to the orphanages (Want to donate too? Leave me a comment or send me a message!). We went to the His Little Feet concert last week and met the most precious children from all over the world. And we're signed up to attend the Orphan Summit, which will be in Nashville this May.
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| His Little Feet performance Murfreesboro, TN |
Thanks for taking this trip down memory lane with me. Last spring was extraordinarily special, albeit painful, but God continues to stretch me in ways I never thought possible. And so I remember, with God, all things are possible.
Blessed,
Courtney
Courtney
