I'm not going to lie. It wasn't the family, or the food, or the conversations. I simply wasn't expecting this holiday to be difficult, emotionally speaking. How in the world can I be emotional about this whole adoption experience, when we're technically only two months into the waiting process? I don't have much basis for these emotions yet. It's not like I'm two years into the wait, like the families who are #1 on the list. Now THOSE are some families who should be emotional.
No, my emotions completely took over my level-headed brain on the ride home Thursday night. Poor Drew, I couldn't even put into words what I was feeling. Thankfully, the girls were passed out in the back seat, allowing me the opportunity to just be.
I'm still struggling to verbalize how I feel, less than one week later. So bear with me, because I'm going to attempt that now. I want this blog to be open and honest. There is good with the bad, and Lord help me if I ever try to pretend to have it all together!
As we drove home, bellies full of turkey and dressing and vegetables and pie, my heart broke as I wondered if our son was born yet, and if so, was he hungry? Was he lonely? Was he still with his birth family? Was he clothed? Was anyone loving on him? And boy, do those questions absolutely wreck my heart. How can I feel such strong emotions for a child I don't even know yet? Or who may not even be born yet?
I'll tell you how. God has set the lonely in our family. Talk about really beginning to understand some scripture. I'm surprised at how quickly it's hit me but then again, I shouldn't be surprised by what God can do to your heart.
And God works every day to dry my tears. My daily emailed devotional the next morning was titled, "Tired of Waiting." Well, I don't know if technically I should be tired of waiting yet. If nothing else, I really need to get serious about settling into the wait. Our wait time has been increased from 18-24 months to now 18-30 months. It could decrease if the Ethiopian government works through its processes, or it may increase even more so. So for you planners out there, throw the calendars away. I'm trying to do so. But back to this devotion. It was wonderful and perfect, just the lift I needed. Here was the prayer written out at the bottom of the devotion:
Dear Lord, please help me have patience and faith while I wait to hear from You. Help me live in excited anticipation for the day when I will see how You answer my prayers.
And today, God reminded me in this morning's devotion to keep on this path. Today focused on Moses and how he felt so ill-equipped in God's calling for his life. I pray that whatever bends this road may take, that we stay on God's path for our family. Even if it stretches me outside my comfort zone. I am so grateful to God for his continued patience with me.
While I definitely want to be honest on this blog, I don't want to be a constant downer, so here are some fun photos from our Thanksgiving weekend that will hopefully bring a smile to your face.
|Someone did NOT want to take Christmas card pictures.|
|Love the Chattanooga Discovery Museum. And the girls do too.|
|City of Lights! You can see how intrigued Madeline is over the whole experience.|
|No worries. She perked right up when it was time for cookie decorating.|
|A trip to Chattanooga isn't complete without the elf tuck-in service.|