I Moved!

Guess that headline is a bit misleading. What I meant to say, is that this blog has moved. As I went to prepare for the mission trip, I found out that Bloggger is blocked in Ethiopia (who knew?). Sooo... it was time to make the move over to Wordpress.

Join me over here! If you subscribed via email, apologies but you'll have to re-subscribe on Wordpress. So delete my blogger address; this one will go away eventually.

Don't cry - change can be a good thing!

Thanks!
Courtney

Two Weeks...And Change

It's Wednesday night. The house is quiet, the children are in bed, and I am left alone with my thoughts. To say this trip to Ethiopia has been a pretty constant thought in my head in the weeks leading up to the trip is an understatement. Ethiopia came alive in my home last week as our family hosted a group of boys from His Little Feet - orphans traveling across the country speaking life into communities about these very real issues worldwide.

They taught me some Amharic, how to bang a mango on the counter to get juice to come out, and how to show true gratitude in every life situation. Their laughter and smiles, their beautiful accents and sweet patience with my girls...the emotions I experienced last week made me even more anxious to visit this beautiful country.

Our team is in final preparations; we leave in just a little over two weeks from now. As you know, we're collecting donations to distribute to area orphanages and all I can say is WOW. Your love and generosity is overflowing, and we're all working to squeeze every ounce of space in our checked items to get everything over. I believe I speak for the team when I simply say 'thank you.' God gets the glory in every bit of this. And He will continue to when we arrive in country.

As you go throughout the next two weeks, would you consider lifting us up in prayer, by name? I've listed our team below. We've got two token guys traveling with this group of gals, so pray for them especially! I kid, I kid. But in all seriousness, I know we all covet your prayers. Pray for our health. For our families we leave behind. For our mental state as we spiritually prepare. Pray that we are able to recognize the need and respond accordingly.

I'm finishing up a book recommended to me by many friends (and by our adoption agency), titled "When Helping Hurts: how to alleviate poverty without hurting the poor...and yourself." It is a fascinating read and one I highly recommend to anyone considering a mission trip. It's made a world of difference to me as I prepare for this trip.

Above all else, lift up the children and the caregivers we are preparing to work with during this trip. At the heart of this are young, innocent lives and if we can simply be His hands and feet and humble ourselves before them, it will have been well worth it.

Ethiopia Team:
Jennifer
Russ
Brooke
Kristi
Courtney
Madison
Denise
Donna
Rachel
Kelly
Anna
Kate
Gini
Scott

Blessings,
Courtney

Let's go to Africa

So our wait times for the adoption are a bit longer than expected....well, a lot longer than expected! Before we even heard news about the most recent changes, we've been praying about God's plan for our family during this wait. I can't say I have all the answers (Let's be honest, I don't have hardly any answers on any given day of the week!), but earlier this spring I felt the nudge to look into traveling to Ethiopia.

Our adoption agency just began a mission trip program (ACT Mission Trips), offering multiple trip options all over the world throughout this year. When I received the first email about it, I'll be truthful. It wasn't something where I felt that immediate calling of YES, this is what you're supposed to be doing. But the idea gradually grew and grew in my mind, and I finally brought it up to my husband. His response was simple: "If you want to go, then go. We'll figure out the rest."

My planner-brain, the let's-figure-everything-out-or-we-won't-go-through-with-it-and-there-must-be-plans-and-logic-to-making-decisions brain, quickly churned with concern, asking, "Why God? Why go? I've never been away from my husband and girls that long. Can I do this? I don't know if I can do this. It's totally out of my comfort zone."

Fortunately, God quickly turned my Why into "Why not?" And then everything literally fell into place. Taking off from work became a non-issue, I had the exact number of days needed for the trip. Plans for my girls lined up perfectly: fall break for school hits the same week and my parents wanted to take them anyway...

Okay God. Got the message.

Long story short, I've taken all my vaccinations and I'm packing my bags.

I've had several questions about the trip, so let's see if I can answer some of them here:

When are you going?
We fly out Oct. 4 and come back Oct. 13. Want to hear something neat? Our DTE date (Dossier to Ethiopia - when our paperwork was shipped over) is Sept. 28, 2012. It arrived October 8, 2012. And exactly one year later, to the day, where will I be? Yep, same place. Love how God does that!

What will you be doing?
Our team will serve in the orphanages in the capital city, Addis Ababa, providing support for the nanny's who work tirelessly day in and day out. We'll work with all ages of kids, from infants to teens. I don't know exactly how the itinerary will go, but I'm trusting in being fully present and allowing God to show the way on what we can do to help out.

What about Micah? Is there any chance you could meet him without knowing?
Ah  yes, the big question. Our sweet son. My response to this question is unfortunately, no. With the wait times being multiple years at this point, I just don't believe that is possible, given the current age range we're approved for (0-2). Yes, that would be neat, but that's not why I'm going.

What can I do?
This is one of my favorite questions. First of all, and most importantly, pray. Pray for our team, pray for the children and nannies and those whom we'll come into contact with during the trip. I believe we will have many opportunities to be His hands and feet on this trip, and my prayer is that we'll be aware and at the ready to do just that.

Secondly, I'm taking donations, lots and lots of donations, over with me. We can each check two, 50 lb bags, and my goal is to fit all my clothes, etc. into my carry-on bag leaving the checked bags open for donations (for those who know me to be the classic over-packer that I am, stop laughing. I'm going to do this. Seriously! I have a plan and everything and y'all know how I am about my plans.). I've been assigned to collect cloth diapers for the infants. If you would like to donate, please comment on this post. I've already got one bag/bin completely full, so I'm excited to see this second bag quickly fill up! If you prefer, I can also take money over there and purchase formula and other needed items for the orphanages. Did you know $6 can buy a can of formula?

Can we keep up with the trip?
Yes! Well, as long as power/Internet is up and going in Addis Ababa, which can sometimes be spotty. I've been designated the team blogger, responsible for documenting this trip. So I'll be using this blog to do just that. We have another girl who's the team photographer, so I'm going to post all her lovely pictures here too.

I wish I had more eloquent words for this post but for now, this will have to do. More info about the trip to come later!

Blessings,
Courtney

The raw, uncut version.

*sigh*

Three months have gone by since I've last posted. And there are no excuses for not posting more frequently. It's late, and I'm tired. But I also need to get thoughts down on paper, and I can't keep hiding behind being busy. Knowing that, here's a raw, uncut blog post. In other words, you're about to read a blog post I'm writing as I go, and I'm not going to go back and edit/proof it before hitting publish (update - I lied. I'm doing one quick overview to make sure I didn't misspell a word. It stresses me out when I see misspelled words). So give me some grace with run-on sentences and fragmented thoughts. My brain functions in much the same way so in a sense, here's a peek into my brain (promise I won't be too scary!).

It's been a rough week and if we're friends on Facebook, you saw my post last Friday about the latest news on the adoption front.

A new process, called PAIR (Pre-Adoptive Immigration Review), is going into effect for Ethiopia Sept. 1. I'm not going to get into all the specifics, for I'm sure I'd speak incorrectly on some level as to all the details, but from what I understand, the U.S. Embassy is now adding an additional level of clearances for children going through adoptions. These children will be pre-screened for orphan status BEFORE families go to court in Ethiopia (a process that used to take place in between court and Embassy). On the surface it sounds simple, and I absolutely agree in ethical adoptions taking place, which means confirming that these kids are indeed orphans. But changing this review is going to add a significant amount of time between accepting a referral and traveling home with your child. And not only that, but referrals have slowed down to a trickle these past few months.

When we announced we were adopting last Father's Day (for a flashback from a year ago, check out that post HERE), the wait time was 18-24 months. The times have steadily increased, and we're being told to add a half a month on for every month we wait. If I were to throw a random wait time out at this point, I would say five years. Yes, five. And it could increase (at this point, if I were to bet, I would say that the odds are very likely that it will increase). Every time I think about the timing I get slightly sick to my stomach, and I wonder how in the world we're going to get through the wait. This is hard. Much harder than I ever anticipated. The idea of bringing home our son feels like it's growing fainter and fainter, and it's hard to imagine what that will even be like and when it will take place.

I'm not going to lie, many tears have been shed over this past week. My emotions are hanging on by a thread. At home, in the car, at a restaurant, at Bible Study tonight (sorry ladies), over the phone...just when I think I have my emotions under control, I lose it all over again. It's difficult trying to describe my feelings. My jumbled prayers to God range from begging for peace in my heart, to showing me the way, to giving me an answer as to what we should do... it's like I don't even know what to pray for anymore.

I don't know where to go from here

It all used to seem so clear, I'm finding I can't do this on my own

I don't know where to go from here

As long as I know that You are near

I'm done fighting, I'm finally letting go

And yet....and yet.... He is giving me what I need, just when I need it. Almost every single song I've heard on the radio this week is the exact message I need to hear to make it to the next moment. When I feel despair, He gives me hope. And He is giving me a TON of grace and mercy.

I will trust in You, You've never failed before

I will trust in You

If there's a road I should walk help me find it, 

If I need to be still, give me peace for the moment

Whatever Your will, whatever Your will, can You help me find it?

I read a few different daily devotionals over the course of each day and every day this week at least one of them (sometimes more than one within the day) give me exactly what I need. I've asked God to just take care of the details, and point me in the direction He wants us to go. When I feel like I need to hold it together in my prayers, I'm reminded that He wants us to spill our guts, confess our fears and cry out to Him. So I am continuing to attempt giving up control over the situation.

I'm giving You fear and You give faith

I'm giving You doubt, You give me grace

For every step I've never been alone

Even when it hurts You'll have your way

Even in the valley I will say

With every breath, You've never let me go

At the center of this story being woven together, there is a child who I believe will one day be a part of our family. I don't know how, where or when, but I'm trying to embrace these circumstances and give my tears to God. I am not self-reliant anymore. I'm not that person who can hold it all together all the time. I am asking God to put to good use whatever it is His will is for our family. And I pray for courage that when He says the time has come for us to step up and claim our child, that we can boldly do so, no matter the circumstances. 

I will wait for you

You've never failed before

I will wait for you

My five-year-old's prayer before dinner tonight was unbelievable. I can't remember the exact wording, but it was something to the effect of, "God, please watch over Micah. We are ready to come and get him, but we know we have to wait until You tell us to do so."

May I have her faith.

Blessings,

Courtney

Help Me Find It

Sidewalk Prophets

One year ago, I fell in love.

Life is running at a break-neck speed right now. How about you? In the midst of crazy schedules, the hubby and I have both been faced with potential job changes, which has twisted me inside and out, along with daughters' birthdays and what I like to call just plain old "busyness." I don't know about you, but busyness can really take hold in my life and threaten to consume me. I thrive on being busy, which isn't always a good thing.

But I'm taking a moment to breathe in deep and reflect on this past year. This time last Spring, God really pushed this adoption thought into high gear, forcing me to dig deep and ask the tough questions. Can Drew and I handle it? Do I really have enough trust in Him, knowing for a fact that right now I don't have all the skill sets necessary to do something like this?

It was a beautiful - and terrifying - time in my life. Next week, on March 28, we'll be "officially" half a year into the wait process. But for me, I'm at the one year mark of waiting. I was cleaning out old emails the other night (yes, I like to organize emails into folders and yes, I know I'm a nerd) when I ran across a few that caught my eye. Like a flash, it came back to me, vivid and plain as day. And again, I love how God works. On March 28 one year ago, we made our first true inquiry into a waiting child. It was a little boy from Eastern Europe - we'll call him Mark. I fell in love with Mark the instant I saw his precious face. I didn't care that he was deaf; I immediately started conducting research about what facilities and programs were available in our area, and I reached out to support groups to talk with other families about what life was like with hearing impairments.

A few days later, I was told that another family had committed to Mark. To say I felt devastated was an understatement. I sat on our couch in the family room, sobbing. I asked my husband how in the world could I have been so connected to a child I knew hardly anything about? I swore off visiting that website for an extended period of time - I didn't think my heart could go through that anymore. I was happy another family had committed to him, but the pain was still there. Fresh. Real.

I think, through last year's experience, God was showing me that I could love a child I didn't give birth to, something I confessed to being afraid of during my quiet times with Him. I know how much I love my daughters; I don't doubt that love at all. By falling in love with a picture and a description of a child half a world away, God calmed that fear of mine. 

A few days after finding out Mark wasn't available anymore, my daily devotional focused on waiting. In the Bible, King David had to wait 15 years before his time came. David needed that time to learn how to be a king. In that way, God doesn't waste our season of waiting - He redeems it. He uses this time to pull us closer to Him and to give us intimate knowledge of a Savior we would not otherwise have.

I believe that's what God is doing now. I pray I don't waste this season of waiting. I pray I use this time wisely to prepare our family for this change. We pray as a family for Micah, knowing he may not be born yet. And we look for ways to honor him in this wait.

There's another adoptive family headed over to Ethiopia next month to meet their son. So we're collecting tooth brushes and tooth paste for them to give to the orphanages (Want to donate too? Leave me a comment or send me a message!). We went to the His Little Feet concert last week and met the most precious children from all over the world. And we're signed up to attend the Orphan Summit, which will be in Nashville this May.

His Little Feet performance
Murfreesboro, TN

Thanks for taking this trip down memory lane with me. Last spring was extraordinarily special, albeit painful, but God continues to stretch me in ways I never thought possible. And so I remember, with God, all things are possible.

Blessed,
Courtney

God listens. No really, He does.

Hello there.

Oh yes, I have a blog, right? And I have neglected it. I am so sorry, I truly have no good excuses. I do have several ideas swirling around in my small brain that I promise will get written, but this one must be told. Right now. Actually, I should have written it last Thursday. But our house seems to have been hit with the plague and it took every ounce of energy for me to get through the weekend.

But alas, I am not going to go down the road of telling you all of our illnesses. I'm sure we've all got those stories going on in our homes right now.

I had a true God moment last Thursday. One of those where, I was in simple awe of how He reaches us, no matter where we are. And I have said to myself, many times, that I will shout those moments from the rooftops when they happen. Because when those happen, they are simply amazing.

I've been nervous recently about this adoption. Everywhere I look, I hear worries from the adoption community.

"They shut down Russia, they could shut down Ethiopia."

"The wait for Ethiopia is so long, what do you think this means?"

"How many years will this really take?"

And then my own thoughts are added to these. "God, have we heard incorrectly? Are we supposed to be going down this exact road? I mean, I really feel like adoption is in the books for us, but are we doing this the right way? International adoption is so tumultuous...."

Never mind the fact that He's confirmed this, multiple times. Apparently, I need to continue hearing this. So I prayed Wednesday night and again Thursday morning, asking Him to just show me if we're headed down the right path. I remember praying, "God, if these fears need to be calmed, please calm them. Please show me what road we need to be on and I'll jump on it. Even if it means a big turn."

Thursday afternoon, I get a Facebook private message from an old friend. It was, in fact, the first time I've really heard from her (other than following updates on Facebook) since graduating college. In other words, she's a Facebook friend I don't really keep in touch with, other than seeing her status updates. I won't print the message in its entirety, but here's the critical part, word for word:

"...Something just told me to message you and let you know you guys will get to the end. The day will come when it's your turn to hold whichever child God chooses for your family in your arms. It's a long process but a very rewarding one. Being patient is one of the hardest tests with God sometimes, but He is right there with you, blessing your family through every step..."

Thanks God. Got the message. Loud and clear. I don't know exactly how everything's going to work out, and that's okay. I'm going to leave the details to Him.

What God wills, He accomplishes.

source: Pinterest

The post in which I tell you his name

Wow, what a month this has been. From Thanksgiving (in which I sobbed over the fact of knowing I had a son, but I didn't *have* him with me) to Newtown, Conn. (no words, I simply have no words over this tragedy) to now, where we've made it through our first Christmas as a family of 5, in theory. It was interesting, to say the least. My oldest asked, "Mommy, will my brother be home next Christmas?"

To which I had to reply, "Honey, the way things are looking, it's going to be a few Christmases before he can come home."

A sobering reality, combined with bad news now that Russia is instituting its ban on U.S. adoptions for its children, can make for one sad parent here in Tennessee.

But I'm not writing about that tonight. At least not now, anyway. We embraced our new direction this Christmas season. Ornaments of Africa were added to our tree, our children received coloring books about the country in which their brother resides, "Santa" left sweet dolls with chocolate skin, which they have lovingly embraced as their own. I received a wonderful necklace with the words "Mother" written in Amharic, the main language in Ethiopia. Everywhere I look in our house, our son is there. He even received his very own ornaments this year.

No longer is our son just a figment of my imagination. No, he is real. Very real. I had a dream last week. My very first dream about him. The memories are so fuzzy now, but what a delightful feeling to wake up and for a moment, to imagine what he looks like. Do I sound weird, because I've dreamed about him? I dreamed about each of our girls while I was pregnant, so maybe what's happening to me is the same thing?

Drew and I have decided on a name for our son. I've kept it somewhat close to my heart, telling a few friends and family, but not announcing it to the world. I'm not quite sure why I've felt this way, but the more I share his name, the more I desire to shout it from the mountaintops, because it means he is real. He is out there. I am calling him by name. I am praying for him. I am praying for his birth mother. This isn't a figment of my imagination, or just a dream. His name is written on my heart, and is breathed into my daily life.

Micah.

Precious, sweet Micah. His name actually has an interesting story. Early on in the process, I hadn't thought too much about his name. I was afraid that by naming him, it would make it incredibly personal, incredibly too quick for me. It would add way too many emotions to what I was already experiencing. It was easy to pray for "our son," but it completely changed it by adding a physical name to it.

And then, one day this fall, my mom felt it pressed upon her heart to tell me of this name. That she had been praying about it for weeks, nervous to even bring it up, but that she simply had to tell me. Is that not a gift straight from God or what?

As Drew and I spoke it, I simply fell at peace. That is his name, how can I even deny it? A prophet, who fights for those who are poor. Or in the notes of my Bible, "The prophecy attests to Micah's deep sensitivity to the social ills of his day, especially as they affected the small towns and villages of his homeland."

I can't explain why, but this name fits him. How can I know this, when I don't even know who he is?

Because I just do.

Just like I know we are called to follow God down this path. This difficult, unknowing path, in which we're told our wait time is increasing one day, and then the next we're told maybe, just maybe, our trips *might* be condensed into one by the time we receive our referral. But the constant change is increasing my faith in God, and reminding me that this is His plan, and that I am to follow Him down this path, no matter how many turns it might take.

In the Bible, Micah 6:8 reminds us what God requires of us: "Act Justly, Love Mercy, and Walk Humbly with your God."

It is a big name, with big shoes to fill. But something tells me, he will fill those shoes. And then some.

If you have a moment in the coming days, I humbly ask you to pray for Micah, our son. Pray for him, and pray for orphans everywhere, who need a home. Pray for leadership in every country, that they will seek first to do what's best for the child at hand. It's not about us. It's not about what we need. May we all be reminded that God is at work. I love what Embracing Hope Ethiopia's Christmas devotional had to say, and it's something I hope I can always remember.

Let us remember that Jesus is with us in the ordinary. He is setting the stage. He is preparing us and watching to see if we will partner with Him. And then, in His timing and as He sees fit, He invites us to participate with Him in seeing His name known throughout the earth. May we bring Him glory and point the way to Jesus.

Amen. He is setting the stage. I want to be ready. How about you?

Much love,
Courtney

[from pinterest]

The good, the bad, the ugly.

Thanksgiving wasn't the greatest.

I'm not going to lie. It wasn't the family, or the food, or the conversations. I simply wasn't expecting this holiday to be difficult, emotionally speaking. How in the world can I be emotional about this whole adoption experience, when we're technically only two months into the waiting process? I don't have much basis for these emotions yet. It's not like I'm two years into the wait, like the families who are #1 on the list. Now THOSE are some families who should be emotional.

No, my emotions completely took over my level-headed brain on the ride home Thursday night. Poor Drew, I couldn't even put into words what I was feeling. Thankfully, the girls were passed out in the back seat, allowing me the opportunity to just be.

I'm still struggling to verbalize how I feel, less than one week later. So bear with me, because I'm going to attempt that now. I want this blog to be open and honest. There is good with the bad, and Lord help me if I ever try to pretend to have it all together!

As we drove home, bellies full of turkey and dressing and vegetables and pie, my heart broke as I wondered if our son was born yet, and if so, was he hungry? Was he lonely? Was he still with his birth family? Was he clothed? Was anyone loving on him? And boy, do those questions absolutely wreck my heart. How can I feel such strong emotions for a child I don't even know yet? Or who may not even be born yet?

I'll tell you how. God has set the lonely in our family. Talk about really beginning to understand some scripture. I'm surprised at how quickly it's hit me but then again, I shouldn't be surprised by what God can do  to your heart.

And God works every day to dry my tears. My daily emailed devotional the next morning was titled, "Tired of Waiting." Well, I don't know if technically I should be tired of waiting yet. If nothing else, I really need to get serious about settling into the wait. Our wait time has been increased from 18-24 months to now 18-30 months. It could decrease if the Ethiopian government works through its processes, or it may increase even more so. So for you planners out there, throw the calendars away. I'm trying to do so. But back to this devotion. It was wonderful and perfect, just the lift I needed. Here was the prayer written out at the bottom of the devotion:

Dear Lord, please help me have patience and faith while I wait to hear from You. Help me live in excited anticipation for the day when I will see how You answer my prayers.

And today, God reminded me in this morning's devotion to keep on this path. Today focused on Moses and how he felt so ill-equipped in God's calling for his life. I pray that whatever bends this road may take, that we stay on God's path for our family. Even if it stretches me outside my comfort zone. I am so grateful to God for his continued patience with me.

While I definitely want to be honest on this blog, I don't want to be a constant downer, so here are some fun photos from our Thanksgiving weekend that will hopefully bring a smile to your face.

Someone did NOT want to take Christmas card pictures.

Cousins!

Love the Chattanooga Discovery Museum. And the girls do too.

City of Lights! You can see how intrigued Madeline is over the whole experience.

No worries. She perked right up when it was time for cookie decorating.

A trip to Chattanooga isn't complete without the elf tuck-in service.

Hi Santa! 

One Month Officially "In"

We're officially one month in to the waiting process, or as our Ethiopia-adoption group calls it: One Month DTE (Dossier to Ethiopia). We had a great day at church, followed by our new tradition for this waiting period. On the 28th of every month, until we receive our referral, we will send balloons up in the air and celebrate with a bowl of ice cream. My girls think the ice cream is a simply marvelous addition and the balloons give them something to look forward to each month.

 

Before we picked up the balloons, Meredith insisted on making her brother a picture (She remains convinced that these balloons make it all the way to Ethiopia and into the arms of her brother. I am not about to lead her differently – don’t you just love the innocence of a child?). She said, “Mommy, I need you to write these words down on the paper. Write, ‘Jesus, please help my brother.’ And I will sign it.”

 

We taped the drawing to the balloon, walked outside, and the girls let them go. For 5 seconds, we silently watched the balloons move quickly into the sky. And then we heard a sickening “POP.” Meredith’s balloon unfortunately got stuck in a tree, and popped right there, leaving the drawing dangling from the branch. Oh, the tears that fell from her sweet eyes. I held her on the front steps of the porch as she sobbed. All she wanted was for her brother to have that picture. My poor heart ached for her – she just wants him home, and I do too.

Fortunately, the wind must have carried off the drawing because we no longer see it dangling in the tree. She is hopeful that it’s still on its way to Africa. And I am too.

 

 

The night ended in more tears, but those were all me. I made the sore mistake of reading a children’s book to the girls for their bedtime story that had just arrived in the mail. Why I don’t pre-read these books first is beyond me (note to self: a children’s book about adoption is likely to cause emotion). If you haven’t heard of the book, Mommy’s Heart Went POP!, and you’re looking for a way to talk to children about international adoption, specifically for Africa, get this book. Beautifully written and illustrated, it will melt your heart or in my case, cause some tears as I reflect on being one month in to a long waiting process. I feel a bit emotionally drained; I’m sure I can write more later, but suffice it to say, this wait isn’t going to get any easier.

I hope to use my time in this waiting period wisely. One week from today is Orphan Sunday; is your church doing anything to support it? Our church is in the infancy stages of learning more about Orphan Sunday, but I’m hoping it can grow into something more. What a great way to spend one day focusing on these precious children.

November brings about Adoption Awareness Month. If you have a minute in your prayers, pray for these orphans. Pray for adoptive families. Pray for adoption agencies, and the countries who are working to place these children with their forever families. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.

 

Warmly,

Courtney

Money, money, money

I've been asked, in some form or fashion, "How much is this costing?" Valid question, and I understand the curiosity. The numbers can range wildly from country to country, but for us, it's helped to have a big breakdown for each stage showing us where our money goes. Because we're not, contrary to popular belief, "buying a child." I've debated whether or not to post all this. Money is, after all, considered a private matter. But I want to show you how this breaks down because at the end of the day, I want this blog to be open and honest and let's face it: the cost of adoption is something heavily discussed. So here you go, our broad range of costs for adopting our son from Ethiopia:

The Home Study - $1,500-3,000 - This fee goes to a social worker or the agency where the social worker works who spends several weeks working with your family to ensure that you are qualified to adopt. They do many criminal background checks (often at the county, state, and federal level), a child protection background check, make you do training on adoption and specifically the type of child you are planning to adopt (special needs, older, younger, etc), visit with your family and interview everyone in the home to see if you are prepared and ready (click here to read more about our home visit), look through your home to see if your home is safe and adequate size for a child, look over your financial situation to see if you can afford to raise said child, etc. Then they spend a great amount of time typing up a summary - your home study - of all their findings, which in our case was a 16-page document. It's a very GOOD thing and the first safety net to make sure certain creeps don't get their hands on children. This person is completely separate from the origin of the child and is also required for US/domestic adoption.

US Immigration - $890 - This fee is for the US office of immigration (USCIS) to look over our information, fingerprint us (yet another background check), and determine if we meet the US criteria to bring a foreigner into the country on a visa. This fee is also completely separate from the origin of the child.

Adoption Agency fee - $5,000-7,000, roughly - This fee goes toward paying the social workers who work at the agency for the many hours they spend compiling the children's files and information, helping the families with their paperwork, organizing and compiling a family's dossier, agency overhead, state/federal seals for the documents (this really adds up) as well as courier fees for those documents, training programs for families, etc.

International fee - roughly $4,000-5,000 - This fee goes to the agency contacts in Ethiopia. It is spent on paying someone for the translation of the dossier (a very detailed look at your family, including your home study and immigration approval); fees for government documents like embassy paperwork, birth certificates, passports, etc.; in-country social services (community outreach and services the agency facilitates); facilitation of the adoption (acting as the family's hands and feet in the government agencies in the country to complete the adoption); travel coordination; orphanage fee (upkeep, buying supplies, paying nannies, utilities, etc); and childcare (approximately the amount of money spent on your child's nutrition, medical, schooling, etc. while they are waiting to be picked up).

Travel - $6,000-15,000 - Two trips are required for Ethiopia and many/most other countries. This is approximately how much will be spent on plane tickets ($1,500 - 2,000 each person/each trip), hotel costs, food costs, transportation costs, etc. This fee, of course, goes to airlines and in country companies, not to anyone relating to the child.

Embassy Visa - $400 each child - fee for each child to receive a US visa to enter the US as your child. Again, not a fee associated with the child.

If you're really curious, click here to view our agency's further breakdown of costs specifically for Ethiopia.

So as you can see, only a small portion of that actually goes into the hands of an adoption agency for their services. Absolutely ZERO money should ever go into the hands of the families placing their children for adoption and no more than an average salary should ever go into the hands of the facilitator who works in adoption in the country. It happens and those are the stories that of course hit the news. If the world was perfect, people would be able to work these selfless jobs for no pay, but we all know that simply isn't possible. And I guess in a perfect world, there wouldn't be orphans, so maybe I should just shut up about perfect worlds and face reality. Or maybe I just need to stop over thinking this. Or maybe I should go to bed, because thinking about numbers makes my head hurt. I don't like numbers. They scare me.

Have I lost you yet? Nervous about talking dollars like this?

Sorry about that. Continuing on:

No one likes to talk about the fees relating to adoption, but it's a very real thing and something that can't be ignored. Just like giving birth to a child costs a great deal of money, so does adoption. The difference is many people have medical insurance to help cover the costs associated with giving birth. Families who choose to adopt must come up with all of that money on their own.

When I think back to how much we would have had to pay for medical expenses for each pregnancy, I am grateful for medical insurance covering the large majority of it. Had we not had that, we couldn't have afforded our two daughters. For our oldest, the hospital stay alone would have put us in great debt. Thank goodness for good insurance (and good medical care)!

So no, we're not "buying" our son. And yes, it is expensive...if only something like adoption insurance existed! We do hope that the adoption tax credit that is due to expire this year is renewed with Congress. It will help us, and many other families, tremendously, in covering some of these costs. And yes, at some point we're going to do some fundraising (guess that's a good way for me to utilize this waiting time period).

I do hope this helps clear up any questions you may have. I know, starting on this journey, I didn't know the ins and outs of costs either so I promise I'm not offended if you have additional questions.

Sooo....this wait over yet? No? Two+ years to wait, you say?

Sigh.

Much love,
Courtney

Crossing the Atlantic

It's official: we are finally DTE!

(DTE = Dossier to Ethiopia)

Our paperwork arrived at our adoption agency Monday morning, went through additional staff checks, then taken to the Department of State and the Ethiopian Embassy for certification/authentication. Our dossier will head over to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, where it will sit until we receive a referral.

And now? We wait.

So tonight, in addition to celebrating my husband's birthday, we tacked on a DTE party to it.

Add caption

The cousins are ready, in Meredith's words,
"to send my baby brother balloons to Africa."

My Tennessee girl, rocking the cowgirl boots.

There they go! Off to Africa!

And no celebration is complete without a cake.

We are excited, relieved, and yet nervous about this next stage. I am praying hard that Drew and I (probably mostly me) will have the patience for the waiting we'll have to endure. But before I begin to worry, I want to spend tonight celebrating this first phase. So we will send many, many  more balloons over to Africa during this time.

Much love,
Courtney

Dossier to D.C.!!

I have to keep this post short. Emotionally, I'm drained, but in such a good way. Today started out normal enough. Errands to run, pictures at church for the directory, followed by lunch and playing at the park with the girls. I had found out the day before that our I-600A had been approved and that within a week to two weeks, we could expect that all-important I-171H form to arrive in our mailbox. This form is the one sheet of paper I've been talking about non-stop because it's the final document needed for our dossier.

Our Dossier - blood, sweat and tears

As I got closer to home, my heart started to quicken because I knew by then that the mail had arrived, and that there was a chance it would be there. But I really didn't want to be disappointed so I talked myself out of it. "Courtney, it's okay if it's not there. Remember, the U.S. postal service takes forever to get these kinds of things across the country. It's NO BIG DEAL." (yes it is)

There was one envelope in the box. One envelope with a return address of U.S. Department of Homeland Security. I about hyperventilated. My poor sister-in-law, on the phone with me at the time, asked if everything was okay.

Within seconds, I was staring at that sweet piece of paper; it had finally arrived!

Needless to say, the next 2 hours were a flurry of activity as we contacted my friend who was available to notarize the document, scanned and made said copies of this document and did one final check-through of everything needed. And of course, we had to write out a big, fat check (more on the costs of adoptions later - promise that post is coming).

On our way to the one FedEx office still open, I kept a tight grip on the bag containing everything. It was so bittersweet to realize we were finally sending off everything.

When we got to the office, Meredith asked if she could carry it in (nervous mama over here!). But she did fine - I think she knew this was a big deal!

Proud big sister

The girls were, ahem, rather loud normal and I thanked God we were the only customers there. And thank goodness we had such a nice FedEx man there. He quickly realized what we were doing and heaped words of congratulations upon us.

The girls, making themselves comfortable.

There it is! Just need to slap on the address and it's ready to go.

She asked, "Okay, so NOW can we go get my brother?"

Miss Sassy Pants Junior.

I had one moment where my breath caught in my throat. As he was finishing up the package, he asked us what we'd like to list as the value of that package. I jokingly said, "One million dollars," and then looked at my husband as I realized this package truly was priceless. Needless to say, the package is officially OUTTA HERE and hopefully on a plane, making its way to Washington D.C., the location of our agency.

What's next? Our agency has to do a bunch of super-secretive stuff to the documents before the dossier is sent to Ethiopia. Kidding, of course. But seriously, they have to translate everything, authenticate some documents...you know, make sure every I is dotted and T is crossed. I'm thankful for the fine tooth comb investigation that's conducted. I pray all our paperwork is indeed fully complete. This review process can take anywhere between one and three weeks, then after that, our dossier is on the way to Ethiopia and we "officially" begin our wait of approximately 18-24 months (or longer, or shorter).

I find it fitting that this took place today. It's technically the first day of autumn; we are in the process of changing seasons. As we transition from this rushed paperwork process and settle into what will be an excruciating wait, I pray that this change in "seasons" is one I will grow to appreciate. What little control I had in this first season is now lost as all paperwork gets turned over to our agency and in turn, over to the Ethiopian government. We have a long season ahead of us; winter will come. But even though we can't see it, God is planting those seeds, and nurturing them. One of these days, spring will come, all stars will align, and when our child steps forward, in need, we will be ready.

Okay, this "short" post has become longer, and deeper than I intended, and a blank sheet of paper sits next to me, begging for the makings of a grocery list to appear. Much love, as always, to all of you.

Blessed,
Courtney

Brain Dump

Ouch, my brain hurts. If ever there was a time I wish I could do a brain dump - use some type of chip to download everything I learned this weekend to a hard drive - I would. Drew and I took time to attend the Empowered to Connect conference this weekend and what a life-changing experience it was for us. Yes, you heard me. Life-changing. On so many levels. Can't even get into it all right now, that will have to wait for another day and another post.

Complete strangers from our adoption agency who were in town for the conference came over to our home for dinner (hey, when you live in the South, you open your home to others and serve them tons of food, am I right?). At the end of this weekend, they feel like dear friends. We spent precious time after dinner praying over a hard issue for one of the families. We laughed, we cried, we compared notes, we cried some more, and for the first time in this process I felt that sense of camaraderie. I knew the online adoption community was alive and kicking, but boy what a difference it makes to have some of them in the flesh to love on you and speak words of encouragement!

I could tell my brain was reaching overload when I crashed last night at 8:30 p.m. after getting the girls to bed. I simply couldn't focus on anything else. I didn't even care to watch the DVR'd Alabama/Arkansas game (which shows you how exhausted I was!). The purpose of the conference was, in my mind, to have a deeper understanding of where these precious children are coming from, and what our role, as adoptive parents, is in connecting to them as they make this tough transition. I learned so much more, and I'm grateful for all the resources I collected over the weekend.

This awesome conference was followed by two wonderful sermons at church (yes, I attended two services today!). The early service focused on inclusive love, and the passage about Philip and the Ethiopian was discussed (Acts 8:26-40). I've never read that passage before, but my ears definitely perked up when I heard the word "Ethiopian!"

And the second service moved me to tears (really, I should just give it up and start carrying around a package of tissues). The focus was about what makes you angry, and how we should pay attention to what makes God upset. Our pastor asked us that if we had the courage, to ask God to break our hearts for what breaks His. Because if our eyes are opened to what breaks God's heart, maybe we can have the strength to be moved to action. To make a difference. To defend those who can't defend themselves. 

My breath caught in my throat, because I felt like he was singing my song. Ever feel like someone is talking to a crowd but you feel like they're talking right to you? I certainly felt that way today. Everywhere I turned, there was another message giving me such comfort about the direction our family is headed.

We're still waiting for that one sheet of paper from the government so that we can "officially" begin the waiting period. As I always say, I can't imagine how tough this waiting process will be (I really am going to dread still waiting one year from now, I just know it. And I don't EVEN want to think about two years from now). However, I don't want to waste the time I'm given, so I look forward to learning everything I can and deepening my walk with Him during this first stage of the journey.

Much love,
Courtney

Do I have what it takes?

We are just a few days out from our federal fingerprinting appointment - hallelujah! Many have asked what happens next. Here's a brief snapshot:

Federal fingerprinting appointment - this Friday!
Wait on U.S. government to send us our I-171H form
Receive I-171H form, and then our dossier is complete!
Mail dossier to our agency - they will process it, translate it, then we will be....
DTE (Dossier to Ethiopia) - the date our dossier is officially sent to Ethiopia

And once we receive our DTE date, then the looooong wait begins. How long? It is an ever-moving target. Right now we're told 18 to 24 months from DTE before we receive our referral, but we're constantly reminded that the time could increase. Or it could decrease. That is the beauty of adoption - you simply don't know. Our agency does a great job of giving us realistic expectations so as the wait officially begins, I hope to learn more.

This past week was my birthday, and it was wonderful, but my heart has been hurting. You wouldn't know by talking to me, or seeing me, or hanging out with me. But it can be so disheartening to read all the stories about families who struggle once their kids come home from orphanages, and it's something that's become a focus of mine. We've discussed it internally with our Ethiopia group in the agency and fortunately, I have found I'm not the only one to feel this overwhelming sense of worry. And also, fortunately, God knows my heart, and once again, he has stepped in to calm my fears.

My devotion this morning was titled, "Do I have what it takes?" (Hello God, you've got my attention now). The devotion asks:

"Have you ever stopped short of God's calling on your life because you felt almost paralyzed by your limitations and insecurities? We often excuse ourselves from God's greater vision because we don't believe we have enough for God to work with. Unfortunately, one of the enemy's most effective strategies is to fill our mind with thoughts about what we don't have and all the ways we fall short. But when we focus on what we lack, it can keep us from realizing what we have is more than enough for God. You see, God has a history of using what little someone has in order to do great things that only He can do. When I hear that voice reminding me of my shortcomings and limitations, I've decided to say, 'You're right. But my greatest limitation is God's greatest opportunity.'"

I can't tell you how much I needed to hear that this morning. My shortcomings seem to smack me in the face constantly. My little voice reminds me of how many barriers we're going to have to overcome by choosing to expand our family this way. It's going to be hard. I'm not choosing the easy road. But God doesn't say our road will be easy. He does say that He will be with us. And that is the thought that crosses my mind each and every day.

My sweet 4-year-old proudly showed off her drawing from school today. She had drawn our family, and the first person (well let's be honest, they all look like amoebas, but it's the thought that counts) she pointed out was her brother. This whole concept is still so abstract for her, understandably, but it warms my heart to know that she thinks about him too. I love her childlike innocence, and her hope for the future. I think that's what I will go to sleep dreaming about tonight.

Forever and always grateful for your prayers,
Courtney

30 for my 30th

One week from today, I will turn 30 (Insert 'getting old' comments here). While all in good fun, thinking about turning 30 makes me wonder what this coming decade will bring. My 20s were absolutely amazing: meeting and marrying my husband, having children, building a house, getting a job... I feel so incredibly blessed.

It brings back memories of those papers we all wrote in school..."what do you think you'll be doing in 5 years? 10?"

I wish I had saved those, to see if I was doing everything my teenage self thought I would do. But as this next decade rolls around, I've decided I don't want to do what I've always done. Because I've been complacent. Comfortable. Even lazy. And if I've learned anything these past few months, it's that I want to make a difference. I want to grow. I want to be okay with stepping outside my comfort level.

How about you? Do you ever have those moments, where you think to yourself, "You know, I can do more than this. Work is good, I'm busy with my family and kids, but I need to help others. I want to help others."

The good news is, you can. All from your computer as you read this. There are families out there being called to adopt, to save a child, but they get hung up by funding. Adoptions have a wide variety of costs, and they can easily total more than $30,000. I am utterly amazed by the number of families who are doing anything and everything to bring a child home. It warms my heart when I see the good news that a family is fully funded.

If you're willing, and want to join my celebratory atmosphere of entering my 30s, would you do one thing? Donate $30 to a family adopting or a child waiting to be adopted. Visit www.reecesrainbow.org and thumb through the pages of special needs children, waiting for a family to rescue them. Most, if not all, have a donate button by their names. Check out sweet Damon, a precious boy in Eastern Europe with Down Syndrome, born September, 2011. Or check out families who are in the process of adopting, and see if they have a fund you can donate to (most do).

So will you help? If not $30, maybe $5 or $10? I know adoption sites like these can be overwhelming. There are so many orphans out there needing a home. But you can make a difference to one.